18This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.
20But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit – Matt. 1:18-20 NIV
In Jewish custom, being engaged to a woman was like being married to her. The Jewish betrothal was that binding. At this time in the life of Joseph, he was only engaged to Mary. It was during their period of engagement that he had discovered, much to his horror that his wife to be was pregnant and he was not the father.
You could only imagine how the conversation went.
Joseph: What’s his name?
Mary: “Who?”
Joseph: “Don’t give me that ‘who’ stuff? Who else?”
Mary: “Sorry, I don’t know what you are talking about.”
Joseph: “You’re pregnant, right! Who is the father?”
Mary: “God.”
Joseph: “Oh, that’s original! Did you stay up all night thinking of that one?”
Mary: “No Joseph, seriously, the father of this child is God.”
Joseph: “Not only have you been unfaithful to me, but you are also showing me that you’re nuts!” You know what? I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Mary: “Please Joseph,” (Mary crying), “I don’t understand what has happened to me. I just believe it. I would never be unfaithful to you. God is using me for something big that He wants to do for mankind. I am still trying to process it all out myself. Joseph, please talk to me, don’t go! Joseph! Joseph!”
And then the bible says, “Joseph, being a righteous man. . .” Let’s stop and ponder that statement for a moment. First, righteous people are not immune from getting hurt and disappointed. Tough times, complex situations, come upon everyone. Second, righteous men are not born that way, they “become.” This is why the text says, “Joseph, being a righteous man. . .” He was righteous and becoming even better at it. Righteousness is simply doing the right things. Joseph was a man who did the right things and because he did so, he was known to be a righteous man. Third, a righteous man will make tough decisions in complex situations.
Joseph was faced with two issues. First, knowing what he did (and his knowledge about Mary’s pregnancy was still incomplete), he could not marry her. His righteousness would not allow that to happen. Second, he loved Mary deeply and did not want to shame her publicly, much less to demand her death, as stated in the law (Deut. 22:23-24). Joseph was more concern for Mary’s shame and dishonor than for his own.
The phrase in verse 19, “put her away” was commonly used for divorce. In other words, Joseph wanted to break off the engagement secretly and spare Mary public humiliation at least to try to buy her some time.
This is what Joseph was planning on doing because “he was a righteous man.” Now here is something to grab onto and hold tightly. Everyone of us will face tough and complex situations in life. Such situations will demand from us tough decisions. When such times come our way, it will be too late to start to work on our righteousness or integrity. We must work on our integrity now.
When the time comes and you are forced to make a difficult decision because the issues are complex, your integrity will help to give you insight on what to do.
You will be faced with two issues before you: “Not knowing what to do,” and “not wanting to do it.” These are issues we all wrestle with from time to time. And it can be awfully tough especially when we must make a decision quickly. This then would be the moment to rely on your integrity, that is, your own personal spiritual convictions based on a heart that loves doing what is right because it follows the Word.
An angel came along and saved Joseph the trouble. The angel told Joseph that the baby in Mary was indeed from the Holy Spirit and that she was still a virgin.
And then the angel said this to Joseph and revealed God’s plan for him in all of this. The angel said, “Joseph, son of David.” In other words, “Joseph, you must marry Mary. It is important for Jesus to have a father that is from the line of David. You are from the line of David. You will therefore be Jesus’ legal father, but not His biological father. This would fulfill the scriptures that teach that Jesus would come through the line of David (cf. Matt. 1:1-16). And also it would fulfill the prophecy that Jesus would be the “Son of God” brought into the world apart from the means of an earthly father.”
Jesus’ conception was divine – i.e. from the Holy Spirit, and yet, because He would be conceived in a woman, Jesus would have two natures – human and divine. Mary had a part to play in providing Jesus with His human nature. And Joseph had a part to play, providing Jesus with the legal right to the throne of David.
The Washington Times ran this article back in 2002.
"Men won't commit to marriage because they enjoy a sexually active single life in a social climate that doesn't push them to marry," according to a Washington Times story on a new report from the National Marriage Project..
"Young men are indeed 'commitment phobic,' which is bad news for young women who want build a family before they get too old," said researchers Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe, who run the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.
"The median age of first marriage for men has reached 27, the oldest age in our nation's history," Mr. Popenoe said. "If this trend of men waiting to marry continues, it is likely to clash with the timing of marriage and childbearing for the many young women who hope to marry and bear children before they begin to face problems associated with declining fertility," he said.
There are several specific reasons for why young men are avoiding marriage, the researchers indicate. "Primarily, young men are enjoying a sexually active single life — often with a live-in girlfriend — and "are in no hurry" to marry, the researchers said.
"The researchers also found that young men are often wary of marriage because of worries that they will marry the wrong person, be forced to make too many compromises or take on too many burdens as a husband, or suffer huge losses if the marriage ends in divorce.
"What young men aren't worried about is a personal, biological deadline to have children," Mrs. Whitehead said: "Men see marriage as the final step in a prolonged process of growing up," with children coming along in due time, she said. This isn't true for young women, she said, but young men "don't have much sympathy" for women's fertility problems. "As one man put it, 'That's their issue.'"
"Traditional social forces, such as the family, religion and the workplace, used to pressure men toward marriage, but that is no longer the case, she said. With the relaxation of social pressures, coupled with general silence about unmarried couples living together, 'men can relax their timetable indefinitely,'" she said. ("Wedded Bliss Not a Priority for Bachelors" by Cheryl Wetzstein, The Washington Times, June 26, 2002.)
What separates Joseph from the single men of today? Righteousness. Having that innate desire to want to do the right thing. Joseph had it and he did the right thing.
“Being a righteous person” starts by first being right with God and allowing Him to use the Scriptures in your life as a way to mentor you. This takes time. But when the complex problems come (and they will), you will have a righteous character and foundation by which to decide your future.
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