I want to address a subject that is both hard and controversial to say the least. I have known Christians on both sides of the fence – those who preach that once a person is divorce for reasons other than adultery, the couple can never remarry anyone else while their former spouse is alive. However, if any one of the members has an adulterous affair after a divorce, then that gives the innocent party the freedom to seek remarriage.
I also know Christians who are on the opposite extreme and preach that one can divorce his spouse for whatever reason is necessary.
To be honest, for many years, I have taken the first position. This was for me the most natural way to understand Jesus’ admonition in Matthew 5 and 19. But, until recently, with a little more prayerful and closer examination of Jesus’ words in Matthew 5, I have amended my position for a more balance view.
Now let me explain and as always, follow the reasoning that I am using as I approach the Scriptures. Then you can decide how you want to take the words of Jesus as you too read it.
Here is the passage in question: 31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery – Matt. 5 NIV
Okay, so based on the words of Jesus, these are the primary elements of Jesus’ teachings about divorce and remarriage.
1. No one is able to lawfully divorce his or her spouse unless adultery was the issue – “marital unfaithfulness”
2. If one does divorce a spouse for issues other than “marital unfaithfulness,” then the person asking for the divorce will place the other spouse in a position of committing adultery if he or she chooses to remarry.
3. And the innocent party who marries a divorce member for reasons other than “marital unfaithfulness,” will likewise become guilty of adultery.
This is what I believed and this is what I have taught through the years. After all, this is what Jesus said so clearly and plainly in Matthew 5.
However, after a closer examination of the context – which is always a good thing to do when deciding on the interpretation of any passage in the bible, I have come to see that the above interpretation may not be the correct one.
Follow my reasoning: I noticed, first of all, that Jesus uses what must be seen as “hyperbolic” language. In other words, Jesus uses language that expresses “extremes,” and “exaggerations,” which was meant to illustrate a principle rather than a law.
For example, let me direct your attention to these verses:
Matthew 5:20: For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
The Pharisees and Scribes (or teachers of the law) were big on outward righteousness. They kept the rabbinic law down to the letter. When it came to outward righteousness, one could hardly find fault with them.
But Jesus wanted to show that they were two of the biggest sinners of all. Because although they could cloak their sin with their outward righteousness, Jesus would major on something more important – the heart!
So in essence, what Jesus is saying is this: “If you want to be part of My kingdom, then you must surpass the Pharisees and teachers of the law in their own outward righteousness.” How would anyone do this? By focusing on the inside of the person – the heart.
So Jesus begins with these examples of the heart:
First, you can approach God with a desire to worship Him, but if you remember (an emphasis on the heart) that your brother has something against you, then set your worship aside for the time being, first be reconciled to your brother (or sister) and then come back and fulfill your worship – Matt. 5:21-26
Second, if you are married and have had no extra-marital affair, don’t think you have never committed adultery. Because if you look on another woman to lust after her, you are guilty of adultery – Matt. 5:27-28
See the emphasis here on the heart and not mere outward conformity?
Then Jesus moves into what has got to be an illustration or better, a “hyperbole.” Jesus said this: If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell (vv. 29-30).
Now let me ask you this: Do you know of anyone, or any church that practices Jesus’ teaching of verses 29-30 in a literal way? Do you know of anyone who has said, “I have gouged out my eye which had been offending me in order to obey Christ?” Or, “I have cut my right hand or left foot off because these members of my body were offending me and Jesus said to do so, so I am simply obeying Him.” No one in their right mind will take this literally. This is Jesus’ way as a masterful teacher that He was to illustrate an important principle. Sin is harmful, not to just parts of the body, but the whole body. And unless it is drastically dealt with in a serious manner, it will contaminate the rest of the members.
Therefore, deal with sin seriously in a spiritual sense, as you would a harmful or dysfunctional member of your body in a physical sense.
So, I think you would agree with my reasoning here that Jesus is after the heart, right? And that what He says must be done is not to be taken literally.
Okay, now right after talking about the need to gouge out one’s eye and to cut off one’s hand if any of these members causes you to stumble, Jesus then talks about divorce and remarriage.
Now please keep the context in mind. Here is what Jesus said: 31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Now listen to the reasoning. Jesus is saying this: “Your righteousness must surpass the righteousness of the Scribes and Pharisees and all their outward acts. If not, you will not be part of my kingdom.”
Someone will then shout: “I have been married to the same person for sixty years and have not once cheated on my spouse. How is that Jesus?” The Lord’s answer would be, “If you looked upon another person with lustful eyes you cheated on your spouse!”
Therefore, if you “eye” (the avenue of lust) offends you, gouge it out (that is, deal with your lust issue seriously and decisively). If you “hand” offends you by touching another person inappropriately, cut it off (that is, deal with that issue seriously and decisively).
At this point you ought to be thinking, “Whoa, this righteousness stuff is way too hard. No possible way am I sinless. I am an adulterer. I commit adultery daily, weekly, and all the time – even in my sleep!”
It is in this kind of context that Jesus mentions divorce and remarriage.
Jesus is saying this: It is impossible to live up to God’s righteousness. Christ here uses divorce as an illustration for our consistent inability to live up to the standards of God’s perfection.
But there are other examples, such as: Have you ever committed murder? In the physical sense, probably not. But the bible says that if you ever hated anyone you are a murderer (1 John 3:15). Therefore, you can be married to the same woman and never commit outward acts of adultery and still be guilty of committing adultery in your heart – several times a day! You can not actually kill anyone, but still be guilty of committing murder in your heart several times a day!
You see the point? Jesus is focusing on the heart and making it impossible for anyone to live up to God’s righteous standards. Jesus is not trying to be literal in Matthew 5:31-32 and say that the only reason you are to ever get a divorce is because of adultery, and the only reason you can remarry is if your divorce was on the grounds of adultery. He was not seeking to be taken literally, but instead, Jesus was making a principle. That everyone has broken the principles of the laws, even if they had managed to avoid breaking a particular expression of the law.
Now listen: Although sin is always wrong and God hates it, some sin cannot be avoided on this of heaven. For example, God hates divorce, right? (See Mal. 2:16). But God still end up doing the very thing He hates:
“And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also.” (Jer. 3:8; see also Isa. 50:1)
So for God to say “I hate divorce” helps us recognize that divorce, as a part of the fallen order, is a result of sinfulness in the world and it is this that God hates. It also helps us recognize that divorce is sometimes a necessary part of a fallen world due to sinfulness.
Let’s be consistent here. If we are to take literally Jesus’ teachings on divorce and remarriage in Matthew 5:31-32, then we must also in order to be consistent, take Jesus’ teachings on gouging our eyes and cutting off our hand when such members offend us. Any takers out there?
This is what could conceivably take place: lusting itself would be an excuse for divorce since it is adultery (v. 28). As well, if you were to lust before you are married, and by lusting you have literally had sex with that person, then you are in God’s eyes joined to that person and are required to marry them (1Cor 6:15). So, if this is the case, is it then God’s perfect will for me to find the first girl I lusted after and be “rejoined” to her so that she does not commit adultery? Do you see how this would all end up? Insanity!
Now don’t get me wrong. Divorce is wrong and should by all means be avoided. But if for whatever reasons it cannot and a person remarries, sin may be involved, but it is not something that the grace and forgiveness of God cannot wipe away.
Forgiveness and grace is something that we can take literally and act upon. For the person who has lusted in the past, we offer forgiveness, not a bride. For the person who has hated his brother, we offer grace, not the death penalty. For the person who has been divorced, shouldn’t we do the same?
If you have been divorced and have remarried, by God’s grace and mercy enjoy the blessing of your marriage and build your family in a godly way. Don’t spend your time second guessing your decision to remarry. It will drive you nuts and create more problems than it might solve. After all, there is no decision that we make that doesn’t have some precursor of sin. As God’s providence finds its realization, we must understand that lives riddled with sin are all he has to work with. If this is not true, then grace is no longer grace.
