When God brings two people together in marriage – a man and woman – there is a oneness that occurs that becomes so binding and so tight that nothing can possibly produce a full and complete separation without there being left over residue. Let me explain:
This oneness is known as "echad" in Hebrew. When God created Adam and Eve, they were both "naked and unashamed." The bible says that when “a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, they shall become one (echad) flesh” (Gen. 2:24). Both Adam and Eve lived a shared life and hid nothing from each other because there was no reason to.
This same concept applies to all married couples today. There is no reason to be ashamed, insecure, or afraid of one another and of God. To live in "echad" is to live as one in unity for better or for worse. When two individuals become one and later try to break that bond and become two again, the pain of separation is inevitable because of the scares which are formed.
Take, for example, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Peanut butter and jelly by themselves are two very different substances in look, taste, and texture, and each are good on their own.
However, when you combine them, it creates a more interesting and unique flavor dynamic, tasting even better than they did by themselves. If you try to pull the sandwich apart, you will notice that it is not easy to separate the peanut butter and jelly. There is always a little bit of peanut butter left in the jelly and a little bit of jelly left in the peanut butter.
Much like a peanut butter sandwich, the union of marriage enhances the individual man and woman in a very special way. Even if they separate or are pulled apart, they leave something behind with one another.
Those that have been through a divorce in their lives know that marriage has changed them in some way. Regardless of whose fault it is or why two people separated, marriage changes a man and a woman forever, and this is why the pain of separation is inevitable. The former husband leaves a little of himself with his former wife, and the former wife leaves a little of herself with her former husband. In one sense, a complete separation or divorce is not possible. The bread that had the peanut butter has been permanently attached to the bread that had the jelly. Try scraping the jelly off of the peanut butter and see what happens. Try separating the peanut butter off the jelly and you will be taking away not only some of the peanut butter but also some of the jelly.
Here is my point: Because of the extreme closeness of “echad” in marriage, a piece of paper known as a certificate of divorce does not fully separate two people who have been married. They may now have the freedom to live separate lives, but their lives will never be totally separate. Not only is the example their oneness seen in their unity, but it is also seen in their children who bare the resemblance of each partner in one child.
No wonder Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let no man try to pull apart” (Matt. 19:6). Now watched this: Let’s say that the peanut butter was joined with the jelly that was grape. And the grape jelly was joined with a brand of peanut butter that was made by Skippy. Let’s say that both sides of the bread are pulled apart and separated – the Skippy peanut butter side has some left over grape jelly and the grape jelly side has some left over Skippy peanut butter.
Now let’s say that you join the Skippy peanut butter to a brand new slice of bread that has strawberry jelly. Now in that union or marriage, you have not only Skippy peanut butter and strawberry jelly, but you also have residue of the grape jelly too that becomes part of the union in the relationship.
On the side of the bread that has the grape jelly, let’s say it joins itself to a brand new slice of bread that has a different peanut butter – Kirtland. But since the grape jelly slice had been joined with a slice of bread that had Skippy peanut butter at one time, now when it joins itself to a brand new slice of bread with Kirtland peanut butter, it also bring into the relationship residue of its former relationship with the Skippy peanut butter.
Folks, you see how all this works? There is no such things as a complete separation from your former spouse. And if there is more than one marriage, then within the third or fourth union or oneness (echod) comes also the residue of the former three into a marriage.
Again, here is my point: In one sense, couples will never experience the full and complete enjoyment of the oneness to someone from the opposite sex unless it is in the first marriage. After that, when divorce occurs and remarriage results, the second marriage can never be fully experienced as “echod” since within the marriage are also the residue of a former marriage(s).
Now this does not mean all is lost. Remember, “echod” can and should be experienced in our relationship with Christ who ought to be the center of our marriages. However, from a purely horizontal perspective, pure oneness has the potential of being experienced to its fullest in the first marriage. If the first marriage fails for whatever reason, “echod” still can be experienced to a large degree in a second marriage, but it will never have the full potential of personal experiential fulfillment that it could of and would of have in the first marriage.
This is why both in Matthew 5 and 19, Jesus makes marriage hard to enter into because he made divorce so hard. In Jesus’ teachings, the only cause for divorce was if there was sexual unfaithfulness on the part of the other spouse (Matt. 5:32; 19:9). Jesus opened only ONE back door of leaving – just one. What do we see today? We see many back doors for leaving a marriage, most of which have been opened by man and we have accepted those doors and have gone through them because of what Jesus described as the “hardness of heart” (Matt. 19:8).
Therefore, the “echod” that God wanted to display in our world through marriage can never be fully revealed as long as there remains many “back doors” to leave a marriage. Jesus’ teaching was so powerful and impacting when He taught it that His very own disciples responded by saying, “It is better not to marry” (v. 10). The teachings that we are taught today in our churches and in so many books and seminars is that it is “better to marry” because we tend to make it so easy to do so rather than explaining to people the cost, commitment and high price involved.
So then, if you have been divorced and are now remarried, you are in a wonderful opportunity to make your remarriage an experience of oneness (echad) as much as is potentially possible. If you are thinking of marriage for the first or second or third time, think again. Don’t think that there are many back doors already open to leave a marriage. Go into a marriage with a plan to commit yourself for life and work hard and diligently to fulfill that plan. In God’s plan, the first marriage has the greatest potential of oneness to be experienced.
