Would You Attend a Gay Wedding?

This past Regatta in Kaneohe, I was approached with a question – a very good one. I was asked: “Pastor Rich, if you had a close friend who was gay and was about to be married, would you attend the wedding?”

I love these kinds of questions because they deal with the nuts and bolts of life and one must carefully think through the issues before answering.

My response was twofold:  First, I said that as a Christian pastor, I would not do the wedding if I was asked. I probably would not be asked anyway, but if I were to be asked, I would politely decline. Second, I said, “Yes, I would attend my gay friend’s wedding.”

I asked my wife the same question and she said, “No, I would not attend the wedding.” I said, “Can I quote you on that?” She said, “Yes, go ahead.” I then asked, “Why?” She said, “I would support the friendship, but not the sin.  I do not want to give my other brothers and sisters in the Lord the impression that I am supporting a gay marriage.  I would not be ashamed of saying no. I would love my gay friend from a distance.”

So, my wife and I see things differently. Who is right? This issue would not be a matter of who is right, but what would Jesus want you to do about a particular wedding? You see, Jesus may give you permission to attend one gay marriage, and not another, because the circumstances may be different.

A good passage to keep in mind is this: “Whatever is not from faith is sin” (Rom. 14:23). The idea is this: If you do not have a peaceful assurance about God’s direction in particular matters, then the best thing to do is to abstain and not go. To go without the peace of God within you as your motivating factor is to take matters into your own hands and make your own fleshly decision. When God is silent and you are still not sure, then it is better to politely say, “No, I cannot. I do not have God’s peace about it.”

Now I am going to give below why I would choose to go to my friend’s gay wedding. Although, in each case as in all weddings, whether gay or not, asking God’s permission is always the right thing to do. Just because someone invites you to a wedding, does not mean you automatically should be there. The bible calls this, “Seeking first His kingdom and righteousness. . .” (Matt. 6:33).

Let’s start here – Mark 2:14-16:

And as he passed by, he saw Levi the son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax booth, and he said to him, “Follow me.” And he rose and followed him.

15 And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. 16 And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” 17 And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Several key points are worth noting here:

First, how did Jesus end up in Levi’s home? Jesus came across Levi (a.k.a. “Matthew”) and said to him, “Follow Me.” Matthew then followed Him. And then when we come to the following verse, Jesus is eating with a bunch of sinners in Matthew’s home! So how did Jesus get there? Who led who? Did Jesus lead Matthew there to his home to throw a party, or did Matthew lead Jesus to his home?

Luke 5:29, says that Matthew “gave a big reception for Him in his house.” It is clear that Jesus wanted to eat with sinners so He chose Matthew and his home to do it in.  I find it interesting that this took place “after” Jesus called Matthew to follow Him.  Therefore, for Matthew, to follow Jesus meant to join Him in eating with sinners in his own home.  

Second, who was the one uncomfortable? Mark 2:15 says that “many tax-gatherers and sinners were dinning with Jesus and His disciples.” Therefore, apparently, those sinners were not uncomfortable with eating with Jesus and Jesus was not uncomfortable eating with them.  Mark goes on to state that “they were many of them” (sinners) “and they were following Him.” In order for Jesus to get sinners to follow Him, He had to eat with them, which meant that He had to sit down at the same table, under the same roof and build relationships with sinners.  This could not occur, if He did not choose to attend the party in Matthew’s home.

But more important, notice, through implication how sinners are comfortable eating with Jesus.  No one said, “I am not going to eat with that holy man. He makes me feel so uncomfortable.”  Jesus had that way about Him. He was able to love the sinner while at the same time not condoning their sin. The only way this could be done is for Jesus to attend the party, but not take part in the partying. He talked story with them and ate their food, but did not participate in the drinking and bad jokes.  (Note: I am only assuming Jesus was not drinking the hard stuff, because the Pharisees said to Jesus’ disciples, “Why is He eating and DRINKING with tax-gatherers and sinners” - v. 16b.  There was no apparent correction made by both Jesus and His disciples. Jesus apparently did drink, but we would assume wrongly to say for sure it was strong drink. He may have drunk a little wine without getting intoxicated. We do not have enough data to make a strong conclusion either way).

Jesus had the wisdom and power to point people in the right direction both through His words and life.  It worked, because the verse says that the sinners were following Him.

Third, who were the party-poopers? Mark 2:16 tells us it were the scribes and Pharisees. Who were these people? They were the separatists who were extremely religious but void of religion. Although they breathed, they had no life in them. They were more concerned about the appearance of things, than they were about the need to be salt and light.  They were on the outside of Matthew’s home, judging, when they should have been on the inside of Matthew’s home building relationships with people who were a lot like themselves – sinners!  Of the three groups, these religious zealots were the only ones uncomfortable. Jesus was not and neither were the sinners.

Religious people are always the ones who are uncomfortable with such things. Religious people are the ones who tend to be legalistic. They have a holier-than-thou attitude. Instead of seeing how they can touch in a positive way the life of a sinner, they see in a negative way how a sinner can touch their life.  They are quick to say, “Impossible,” rather than looking through the eyes of God and believing in the “possible.”

When a believer goes after a sinner in love and does things that may appear not to be right, the biggest critics are going to be those who are ultra-religious!

Fourth, who were the ones outside of the will of God? Here is how Jesus answered His critics: “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”  Jesus publicly confessed that His mission is not to call those who don’t see themselves as being sick, but those who do see themselves as sick and want to know what the Great Physician has to offer them.

Notice how Jesus compares the “sick” with those who are “sinners.” To be sick is not to be well. It is not natural, nor is it preferable. So it is with being a sinner. God wants people cleansed and made whole. To live one’s life as a sinner is like living day to day being sick. It is spiritually, emotionally and physically draining. It is not natural. Sick people need healing. Likewise, sinners need cleansing.

And the only one who is able to cleanse sinners is Jesus. Where does Jesus live today? He lives in the life of His people (cf. Col. 1:27).  Therefore, Christians have got to be willing and able to go and eat with sinners.   We have no problem in bringing Jesus to church or to a Christian function. But Jesus did not come to call the righteous. He same to call sinners. We need to go where they go, build relationships, and love them while not condoning the sin.

I think Christians need to always remember that they were not born into this world as Christians. They too were sinners at one time. Someone had brought Jesus to them and they in faith opened their heart, repented of their sin and believed in the Son of God and got cleansed from their sin.

I also think that we should not live our lives always concerned about what others think – especially those who are religious. Jesus had His critics too and He was never wrong in the things He did. We ought to know and understand our purpose on this planet. We are not here to formulate a good appearance to those who are religious, but to serve the gospel to those who are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So, I would personally go to the wedding of a gay friend. I would also attend the reception and grind the food. I am not in favor of gay marriages, neither do I support or condone the gay lifestyle.  But when I look at my life, I know there are so many things about me that God does not support either. Whether we are gay or not gay, we all need the Great Physician to heal us and make us whole.