When Is It Right To Offend a Non-Christian?

Let me begin with this case study: Let’s say you have a neighbor you have been praying about for quite some time. He is unsaved. You have had talks with him and even invited him to church. You have done your best to behave like a believer around him.

Let’s say one day he sees you and says to you, “Mack, I’ve been thinking about what you have been telling me about Jesus. I just need a little more clarification. But I am starting to open up concerning spiritual matters. Would you like to come over for dinner on Saturday?” Your heart leaps for joy. This is what you have been praying for. This is an open door from the Lord! Obviously you say to him, “Yes, I will be there on Saturday.” Then you add this: “Bill, can I also bring over a friend of mine. He is a new believer. I’ve been mentoring him and I think he would really benefit from our conversation.” Bill says to you, “Sure bring him over. I’ll see you both on Saturday at 6:30pm.”

Saturday comes and you are at Bill’s home right on time. You also have your friend, “Joseph,” who is a new believer with you. He looks a little nervous, but you assure him that he is there just to listen and learn.

Bill lets you both in and tells you that dinner is ready so he shows you to the table. He has the table all nicely set. You see the nice green salad, mash potatoes and gravy, warm buns, ice tea to drink. The main dish is yet to be brought out. The smell coming from the kitchen is awesome.

Finally Bill comes from the kitchen with the main dish. He is carrying a pork roast. You can smell the seasoning and it looks great. Bill sets the pork roast on the table and says, “I’ve been working on this pork roast and dinner all day. I hope you fellas like it. Oh, I forgot the salt and pepper. I’ll be right back.”

As Bill heads off into the kitchen, Joseph, your young mentee says to you, “I have a problem.” You say, “What is it?” He says to you, “This pork roast. I cannot eat it.”

“What? What do you mean, you can’t eat it?”

Joseph says, “It’s my Jewish upbringing. I was always taught that eating pork is bad for you and a sin against God. Therefore, I feel like I shouldn’t eat it.”

Okay, now you are faced with a problem. You do not have time to explain to Joseph that in Jesus, he is free to enjoy pork.  So now you are faced with your own decision: Should you not eat the pork and risk offending your unsaved neighbor whom you have been praying for, or should you eat the pork and risk offending your younger brother in Christ?

You reason to yourself: “Well, if I offend my neighbor and not eat his roast pork, he may say, “Forget this stuff. I want no part of it.” But if you offend your younger brother, so what? At least he’s saved. He’ll grow up in Christ eventually and see that it’s not wrong to eat pork.”

Pause: What would you do? What decision would you make? Would you abstain from eating the pork and risk turning away your unsaved neighbor, or would you eat the pork in the presence of your younger brother in Christ and risk offending him?

Do you know that the Bible addresses this issue? Notice the passage below:

23 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive. 24 No one should seek their own good, but the good of others. (In these two verses, Paul is stating a principle that he will expand on in the following verses. The principle is this: Although I have been given freedom in Christ to enjoy life, there are some things that I should not do, not because it’s wrong, but because to someone else, it is wrong.” Now he gives an example.

25 Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, 26 for, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”  (Meat sold in the markets back during this time was really cheaper than meat sold out of the market. The reason why the meat was cheaper was that some of it had been used in idol worship. The meat was not touched or messed with. It was simply put on an altar, given over to an idol and brought back to the market to be sold. The market had to sell it cheaper than other meats not used in idol worship only because it was used. But you know that the meat is still good. Nothing wrong with it. Now Paul is going to give a case study which is similar to the one I gave at the beginning.)

27 If an unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. (Don’t ask questions. The less you know where the meat came from, the better.) 28 But if someone says to you, (i.e. someone who is with you who may have issues with the meat), “This has been offered in sacrifice,” (he says, “Hey, this meat was purchased in the market. It was probably offered to an idol. I can’t eat of it) then do not eat it, both for the sake of the one who told you and for the sake of conscience. (Did you get that? You have a choice: Offend the unbeliever or offend the believer. Paul says, don’t offend the believer.) 29 I am referring to the other person’s conscience, not yours. (You are abstaining from eating the meat not because you have issues, but for the sake of the other person with you. It is his conscience that is the issue, not yours!) For why is my freedom being judged by another’s conscience? (In other words, “Why do I have to give up what I like to eat for the sake of another person’s conscience?”) 30 If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for? (If I am thankful and cool about it within my own conscience, why am I the one who has to abstain?)  In the next few verses, Paul tells why).

31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (First, you ought to do whatever it takes to bring glory to God. If eating meat glorifies God, then eat it! But if it doesn’t, then there is no question what should be done. Abstain in order to glorify God!) 32 Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God — (Second, don’t eat the meat if it will cause someone to stumble. You see, the issue is not whether it is good or bad to eat the meat. The issue is this: Will eating meat bought in the market tear down the faith of another member of the body of Christ? If eating meat sold in the market place does this, then I should not eat it. By doing so, I bring glory to God by not causing a member of Christ’s church to stumble.) 33 even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, (Although I do my best to try to please everyone, I know that that it cannot be done. This is why Paul uses the word “try.” I try, but I am unsuccessful. So then what? Then this: I ought to live my life not seeking my own good, but the good of many!  Notice that Paul did not used the word “everyone?” He said, “many.” In other words, by taking a stand to give up your freedom for the sake of another person’s conscience, you won’t please everyone, but you will do good to the many.  This then is the third reason why it becomes necessary to be willing to give up our freedom: It brings with it the good of many. By trying to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one. But my doing what is right, you end up not pleasing everyone, but you will do the “good of the many”).

so that they may be saved – 1 Corinthians 10:23-33  (Fourth, in this situation, the best way to win the lost, is by loving your brothers and sisters who’s faith is challenged over such issues. God will use your love as a means to speak volumes to those who are lost and without Christ.)

How so? Here’s an example: Bill returns back from the kitchen with the salt and pepper and he looks to you and says, “Okay, we’re ready to eat.”

Right then you could say, “Bill, I have something I need to share with you. I hope you will not be upset, but if you are, I understand. Joseph, my brother in the Lord, grew up in a Jewish culture. He was taught from a very young age that eating pork is wrong. You see, the bible does mention this in the Old Testament. But he has not been taught on how his relationship with Christ has set him free from the dietary laws that were handed down by God to the Jews. So in his conscience, he cannot eat your luscious pork roast.

“And here is the thing, I cannot eat it too. It’s not because I feel the same way, I don’t. But I love my younger brother and I do not want his conscience to be offended. If I eat the pork and he is offended, I will also be offending God. So, please excuse us both from having to eat your pork. We’re so sorry. But we can still eat what you have here on the table and we are so grateful for your hard work and for inviting us over for dinner.”

Having said this, Bill has two possible responses: “What?  You silly Christians! Now I know why I did not want to become one in the first place!”

Or, “Wow, I have never seen such love demonstrated in all my life. I work at a job where it is everyone out for himself. I grew up in a home where little love and consideration was shown. But if you are willing to abstain from something you are able to do for the love of your friend, that shows support. Are all Christians like this?”

You laugh, “Well, we all got a lot of growing to do. But Jesus did command us to love one another and when we do, He said others will know that you are truly my disciples.”

“Now you got attention,” says Bill. “If that’s what Jesus taught and if that is how Christians ought to love, then I want to know more about your Jesus.”

Conclusion: You see, if I choose to offend my younger brother and eat the meat, hoping that by doing so, I could win Bill to Jesus, it won’t work! Why? Because God is also offended, I have sinned against Him, and now I expect Him to open up Bill’s heart and be introduced to Jesus? God is not going to bless where sin has the upper hand.

But if I do the right thing, and by doing so, I glorify the Lord by not offending my brother by eating meat that he believes was offered to an idol, God is pleased, and I stand a very good chance of winning Bill to the Lord. In fact, I stand a greater chance of winning Bill to Jesus by honoring my brother’s conscience, then I do by weakening it.

It is never cool to flaunt your freedom around as if you’re making a statement, “Look what I can do as a Christian!” Eating meat offered to idols or drinking alcohol are not signs of maturity. Anyone can do that! Abstaining from such things for the sake of a challenged brother or sister – a blood bought member of God’s family – now that’s real maturity that God will honor and as a result, He will showcase that kind of love for others to see.

Agape entails sacrifice. The world will not notice our agape by our freedom to do what they can also do. Rather they will come to see our agape when they see how much we love and care for one another. If we throw our own under the bus, then we are no different than those in the world.