Should I Marry? Part 8

So Paul is saying that every married couple has a debt to pay to one another. And what is that debt? To fulfill the physical desire and the physical love and the physical need that each other has. Mutual sexual love in marriage is God's design and it's your duty to one another. It's a vehicle for the expression of that love. And you know what? The very act of sex itself strengthens that love.

In his book, SEX AND SANITY, Tom Blaise wrote: "From one point of view it may be spoken of as a safety valve for irresistible desire, but for the Christian man, the sexual life is infinitely more than that. It is a breath-taking experience. As Bart says, 'A bold and blessed intoxication.' Intercourse is not only the appropriate means for the expression of love, it is also the means by which love itself is strengthened and sustained. Sexual intercourse is far more than a physical act."

So married couples are to pay their debt to one another. Then in verse 4, Paul goes further: The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

After stating the command in verse 3 to pay one’s debt, Paul states the reason in verse 4. Why should I fulfill my spouse physically? Because you have released the authority over your body to your partner. Wives, your body is not your own, but it belongs to your husband. And likewise, husbands, your body does not belong to you, instead, you have released such authority over to your wife. When you think about what is being said here, this is life changing.

You see, for whatever particular physical expression she has in mind or you have in mind, that sharing is the thing that God designed. How awesome is that? And notice this is in the present tense. Therefore, this releasing of authority over to one’s spouse is life long. So, when you say to your wife – “Babe, your mine!” And when she says to you – “Honey, you're mine!” That is the truest thing in the purest sense that you could say, right out of the Word of God. And you can quote this verse to each other in its fullness and know that God supports that desire that you have for one another.

Now let me just mention a couple additional points here: First, in an age where we often hear women say, “It’s my body and I can do whatever I want with it.” Paul says to wives, “That’s where you are wrong! It is not your body anymore. Your body belongs to your husband!” This is something that every couple who is planning on getting married ought to think about. You should know that when you say at the altar, “I do,” you have just given up your right and authority over your body and handed it over to your spouse. And for you to go around still thinking that this is my body, therefore, I have the final say so in the matter not him is biblically wrong. You are thinking as a single person, not as one who is married. So if your husband has needs, don’t pull back from him as a form of punishing him because he did not remember your anniversary.

And husbands, when you come home from work and you are tired and your wife gives you some time to unwind, don’t abuse that blessing. If she needs to talk to you about her day and she needs you to hold her close, don’t pull back and run away with a mouthful of excuses. Hug her and listen to her as she unloads her day on you. It is not your body but hers and if she wants you to hug her and be physically there to listen to her, then do it. You are no longer single, so stop living as though you are.

Let me explore this even more. Your right over your body was dissolved since you came to Jesus, did you know that? In the previous chapter of 1 Corinthians, Paul said: Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies (6:19-20). Notice that Paul states, “You are not your own. You were bought with a price.” When you said “Yes” to Jesus, and He redeemed you by His precious blood, you became His! Your life is not your own, it totally belongs to God. Therefore, you have no rights of your own except the right to give up your rights over to God. This is why the Bible refers to Christians as “slaves” (Rom. 6:18; Eph. 6:6, although in most translations the word “servant” is used, doulos is better rendered “slave”). A slave has no rights. He belongs to another, that is, to the person who has purchased him or her.

So, when you became a Christian, you had given up all your rights and handed them over to Jesus Christ. He is your Master. And when you become married, you gave up the authority over your body and handed it over to your spouse. Therefore, Jesus has authority over your life; your spouse has authority over your body, what do you have left? Simply, the duty to submit and obey!

A second point I want to make is this: Since your body does not belong to you but to God first (it’s His temple) and to your spouse, why are you abusing it? Why are you pumping drugs in it, filling it full of alcohol, raising your cholesterol level and putting yourself at risk for heart disease?

Let’s say that I come to you asking to borrow your car. You graciously consent. After a few hours, I bring back your car all dirty, scratched, dented, paint chipped, glass cracked and two tires flat. You say, “Waaaaaaat happened?” I reply, “I did some off-road racing. Boy was it fun! WooooooHooooo! What an experience I had!” You come back, “My car is not for off road racing. And besides, it is not ever your car in the first place to go off road racing.” How would you feel? You would be ticked and demand full compensation.

Well, when you abuse what you think is your body and then expect your spouse to love it, you are fooling yourself. You are abusing something that isn’t yours in the first place.

Therefore, if your wife tells you, “Honey, from now on I am going to be cooking more healthy meals. I also do not want you to eat lunch at L&L. Instead, I will be making you your lunch to take to work.” Don’t give her a bad time. She simply wants you to take care of her property.

And if your husband says to you, “Babe, let’s get up an hour early each morning and go for walks,” don’t give him that look and come up with an excuse that your toes hurt. He simply wants you to take better care of his property.

You see, being married is much more than living together apart from sin. Being married has to do with giving up what once was yours and handed it all over to someone else for the rest of your life. Do you still want to get married?

End of Part 8

Should I Marry? Part 7

A recent survey from the Pew Research Center, reported byUSA Today, gives insight into the current view of marriage. According to the survey of approximately 2,700 people, 39 percent said marriage is becoming obsolete. This is an increase from 28 percent in a similar survey in 1978. Cohabitation has nearly doubled since 1990. The survey says that 44 percent of adults and more than half of those in the 30-49 age bracket have cohabited without marriage. Interestingly, 64 percent of those think of it as a step toward marriage.

In Part 6, I showed six reasons why one ought to get married. They are good and biblical reasons. There are a lot more reasons why one ought to get married than there are of why one ought to remain single. Getting married helps to take us out of the place of temptation.  But that doesn't mean that you run out without really considering what you're doing and marry the first available person just so you don't get into trouble. You'll be in more trouble then than you ever thought you were in. Getting married for the sake of purity is just one aspect to consider. There are a lot more as was noted in Part 6.

Now back to 1 Corinthians 7, Paul is showing us four ideas about the issue of being single. Here is a recap of what we have seen:

First, Singleness (Celibacy) is Good – v. 1.  The idea that Paul is describing in this verse is that it is good not to have sexual relations with a woman who is not your wife. The point is that celibacy is good. In verse 7, Paul sees celibacy as a “gift.” If one is given by God the gift of celibacy, don’t get married and ruin the gift. Stay single.

Second, Singleness (Celibacy) is Tempting – v. 2. Here Paul states that because of the temptation of immorality, let each man have his own wife and each wife have her own husband.  There is nothing wrong with being single or celibate. However, if you are finding yourself burning with passion and thus finding fulfillment through wrong means, then you ought to plan on getting married.

Now let’s look at a new point –

Third, Celibacy is Wrong for Married People – v. 3.

You say, “What? Why are you stating the obvious?” Well, because it was not that obvious to the Corinthians. Let me give to you a  background as to what some in the church were thinking.

When the Corinthians opened their hearts to receive Jesus, they were taught to set themselves apart unto God. They were told to abandon the old way of living and to adopt the new life found in Christ. Some wrongly concluded: “Well, in order for me to be totally set apart unto God, I’m going to stop all of my physical relationships.” Therefore, some over zealous husband decides he's going to give all of his devotion to God and says to his wife, “I'm not going to do anything physical with you anymore, dear. I want to live as though I am single so I can give my all to Jesus!” Or, some overzealous wife says – “I'm now totally committed to Jesus Christ; I can't have anything to do with you, especially since you're not a Christian. I don't want a thing to do with you physically.”

And that's what was happening in Corinth. So, how is a pastor going to deal with such things? The answer is in Verse 3: "Let the husband fulfill the duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.” The word “duty” means “debt.” In other words, the husband has a debt to fulfill to his wife and likewise the wife to the husband.  And what is this debt? Don’t deny being physical with your spouse. It is your duty or debt to sexually satisfy him and his duty to sexually satisfy her. Don’t use the excuse that you are now obligated to live more for Jesus. You want to live more for Jesus? Then fulfill the debt that you have with your spouse. This is how you can raise the bar in your walk with God as a married couple.

Realistically, a husband can say to his wife, “Honey, the kids are asleep. There is no one else up but us. Therefore, give me what you owe me!” Strong language, right? The wife can also say this to her husband. “Husband, you owe me a pleasurable moment. Therefore, pay up!” And it does not matter if you are married to a non-Christian.  You are to pay your debt.

Marriage has its obligations. The word “fulfill” in the Greek is a present imperative. Thus it is both a command and continuous. As long as you are married, God commands you to continuously fulfill your debt sexually to your spouse.

You see, in marriage, your union physically can be expressed in any way that you want. This is God's design for the fulfillment of pleasure. The Bible glorifies it. In fact, the Song of Solomon is a whole book written just on the physical part of marriage. In that book, "Love, says Solomon, "becomes a most vehement flame as passionate and hungry as the sea." The Song of Solomon gives us magnificent lyrics in praise of the physical desire of marriage. Listen, this is what the man says: "Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your lips are like a scarlet thread and your mouth is lovely. You are all fair, my love, and there is no flaw in you." Wouldn't you ladies like to hear that from your husband?

And then he says: "You have ravished my heart." This guy is so in love! She is equally thrilled: "My beloved is radiant and ruddy. He is fairer than ten thousand." She cries: "I am my beloved's, my beloved is mine. His desire is toward me." Then she says: "I am sick with love." That's talking about the physical, I mean, she is really excited...about this guy. And he about her, but that's how it ought to be. God designed marriage to be the physical expression of love. He honors the sexual desire of marriage.

Now one cannot read the Song of Solomon and not catch the love that these two have for each other’s body parts. Both are physically attracted to each other and therefore they both long and desire to pay their debt to the other.

Now what I am about to say may not seem kind, but believe me, it comes from pure motives. I do not want to sound brazen or harsh, but sometimes that how truth comes across.

It is really hard for a wife to pay her debt to her husband if he trots around the house in his underwear with an oversize beer belly!  Men, take a look at yourself in the mirror and be appalled! You cannot realistically expect your wife to get all excited over paying you her debt of giving you sexual pleasure when you are not physically appealing!

And wives, you know this for certain, I’m sure. But men are aroused through their “eyes.” And if you are grossly overweight, don’t expect your husband come driving home from work in a hurry to pay his debt to you. He will stop by the bar or some other place and stall as long as he can, hoping that when he gets home you will be fast asleep.

You see, if I know my wife has been commanded by God to fulfill her debt to me, then I must by all means help her to obey God. If I appear looking like a slob, I am prohibiting her from obeying God. She is commanded by God to give me pleasure. But if I am not appealing to her physically, how can I expect her to love me the way I desire and to have her whole heart involved? She will go to bed every night with a headache just so she would not have to pay her debt.

So it is important, as much as is possible for both parties to be somewhat physically appealing to one another. Now I know that as age sets in, gravity takes over. What use to stand now falls. I know this – every elderly couple knows this. But try to build within your physical frame a support system that will keep things from falling too soon and too low. Exercise will help. Losing weight will definitely help. Building muscle will add to the support system. All of which we already know about, right?

Marriage has its obligation. The husband and wife have a debt to pay. Listen, we all have seen certain foods that turn us off.  The sight of certain dishes, not mentioning the smell, can be a big turn off. Yet we do the same thing with our bodies. We expect our spouses to salivate over our physical appearance when such is not the case.

You know what? Being overweight is a blessing compared to a physical deformity. Because at least one who is overweight, in time, can do something about it. But for the person who has some form of physical deformity that is not attractive, how can that be changed? So husbands and wives – take it upon yourself to be physically appealing to your spouse, especially if you care about whether or not you both are able to fulfill your debt to one another and obey God in the process.

End of Part 7

Pat Robertson's Unbiblical Comment

On the yesterday’s 700 Club, Host Pat Robertson went off the deep end again with a wild and crazy comment that will in some sense give the Christian community a black eye.

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson told his “700 Club” viewers that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer’s is justifiable because the disease is “a kind of death.”
During the portion of the show where the one-time Republican presidential candidate takes questions from viewers, Robertson was asked what advice a man should give to a friend who began seeing another woman after his wife started suffering from the incurable neurological disorder.

“I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her,” Robertson said.

Terry Meeuwsen, Robertson’s co-host, asked him about couples’ marriage vows to take care of each other “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health.”

“If you respect that vow, you say ’til death do us part,’” Robertson said during the Tuesday broadcast. “This is a kind of death.”

I am reminded of what James said in chapter 3:1 of his book: “Let not many of you become teachers. . .knowing that as such we shall incur a stricter judgment.”

Okay, here is the bottom line: No one is given the green light to divorce his or her spouse over the issue of Alzheimer. Having such a disease, as horrible as it can be, is not a biblical ground for divorce. Pat Robertson is on a slipping slope and now many others who not only have a spouse with such a disease will be seriously considering the divorce route, but others will be looking at their option of taking off if they see some similarities. The human mind which has been tainted with sin will come up with all kinds of possible escape routes through rationalization.

I think it is good to remind ourselves what God thinks about divorce on unbiblical grounds: “I hate divorce” (Mal. 2:16). Pat Robertson is doing exactly what occurred back during the days of Malachi. Not only were the leaders making evil into something good, but they also implied that God delighted in evil because He did not dispense immediate judgment on it. Here is what the bible declares: You have wearied Me with your words. Yet you say, “How have we wearied God?” In that you say, “Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and He delights in them,” or “Where is the God of justice?” (Mal. 2:17).

If you want to have an idea of Malachi 2:17 flesh out for you in real life, then here it is in the person of Pat Robertson and a host of others who open the door for Christians to sin all the while thinking it is the right thing to do.