A recent survey from the Pew Research Center, reported byUSA Today, gives insight into the current view of marriage. According to the survey of approximately 2,700 people, 39 percent said marriage is becoming obsolete. This is an increase from 28 percent in a similar survey in 1978. Cohabitation has nearly doubled since 1990. The survey says that 44 percent of adults and more than half of those in the 30-49 age bracket have cohabited without marriage. Interestingly, 64 percent of those think of it as a step toward marriage.
In Part 6, I showed six reasons why one ought to get married. They are good and biblical reasons. There are a lot more reasons why one ought to get married than there are of why one ought to remain single. Getting married helps to take us out of the place of temptation. But that doesn't mean that you run out without really considering what you're doing and marry the first available person just so you don't get into trouble. You'll be in more trouble then than you ever thought you were in. Getting married for the sake of purity is just one aspect to consider. There are a lot more as was noted in Part 6.
Now back to 1 Corinthians 7, Paul is showing us four ideas about the issue of being single. Here is a recap of what we have seen:
First, Singleness (Celibacy) is Good – v. 1. The idea that Paul is describing in this verse is that it is good not to have sexual relations with a woman who is not your wife. The point is that celibacy is good. In verse 7, Paul sees celibacy as a “gift.” If one is given by God the gift of celibacy, don’t get married and ruin the gift. Stay single.
Second, Singleness (Celibacy) is Tempting – v. 2. Here Paul states that because of the temptation of immorality, let each man have his own wife and each wife have her own husband. There is nothing wrong with being single or celibate. However, if you are finding yourself burning with passion and thus finding fulfillment through wrong means, then you ought to plan on getting married.
Now let’s look at a new point –
Third, Celibacy is Wrong for Married People – v. 3.
You say, “What? Why are you stating the obvious?” Well, because it was not that obvious to the Corinthians. Let me give to you a background as to what some in the church were thinking.
When the Corinthians opened their hearts to receive Jesus, they were taught to set themselves apart unto God. They were told to abandon the old way of living and to adopt the new life found in Christ. Some wrongly concluded: “Well, in order for me to be totally set apart unto God, I’m going to stop all of my physical relationships.” Therefore, some over zealous husband decides he's going to give all of his devotion to God and says to his wife, “I'm not going to do anything physical with you anymore, dear. I want to live as though I am single so I can give my all to Jesus!” Or, some overzealous wife says – “I'm now totally committed to Jesus Christ; I can't have anything to do with you, especially since you're not a Christian. I don't want a thing to do with you physically.”
And that's what was happening in Corinth. So, how is a pastor going to deal with such things? The answer is in Verse 3: "Let the husband fulfill the duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.” The word “duty” means “debt.” In other words, the husband has a debt to fulfill to his wife and likewise the wife to the husband. And what is this debt? Don’t deny being physical with your spouse. It is your duty or debt to sexually satisfy him and his duty to sexually satisfy her. Don’t use the excuse that you are now obligated to live more for Jesus. You want to live more for Jesus? Then fulfill the debt that you have with your spouse. This is how you can raise the bar in your walk with God as a married couple.
Realistically, a husband can say to his wife, “Honey, the kids are asleep. There is no one else up but us. Therefore, give me what you owe me!” Strong language, right? The wife can also say this to her husband. “Husband, you owe me a pleasurable moment. Therefore, pay up!” And it does not matter if you are married to a non-Christian. You are to pay your debt.
Marriage has its obligations. The word “fulfill” in the Greek is a present imperative. Thus it is both a command and continuous. As long as you are married, God commands you to continuously fulfill your debt sexually to your spouse.
You see, in marriage, your union physically can be expressed in any way that you want. This is God's design for the fulfillment of pleasure. The Bible glorifies it. In fact, the Song of Solomon is a whole book written just on the physical part of marriage. In that book, "Love, says Solomon, "becomes a most vehement flame as passionate and hungry as the sea." The Song of Solomon gives us magnificent lyrics in praise of the physical desire of marriage. Listen, this is what the man says: "Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your lips are like a scarlet thread and your mouth is lovely. You are all fair, my love, and there is no flaw in you." Wouldn't you ladies like to hear that from your husband?
And then he says: "You have ravished my heart." This guy is so in love! She is equally thrilled: "My beloved is radiant and ruddy. He is fairer than ten thousand." She cries: "I am my beloved's, my beloved is mine. His desire is toward me." Then she says: "I am sick with love." That's talking about the physical, I mean, she is really excited...about this guy. And he about her, but that's how it ought to be. God designed marriage to be the physical expression of love. He honors the sexual desire of marriage.
Now one cannot read the Song of Solomon and not catch the love that these two have for each other’s body parts. Both are physically attracted to each other and therefore they both long and desire to pay their debt to the other.
Now what I am about to say may not seem kind, but believe me, it comes from pure motives. I do not want to sound brazen or harsh, but sometimes that how truth comes across.
It is really hard for a wife to pay her debt to her husband if he trots around the house in his underwear with an oversize beer belly! Men, take a look at yourself in the mirror and be appalled! You cannot realistically expect your wife to get all excited over paying you her debt of giving you sexual pleasure when you are not physically appealing!
And wives, you know this for certain, I’m sure. But men are aroused through their “eyes.” And if you are grossly overweight, don’t expect your husband come driving home from work in a hurry to pay his debt to you. He will stop by the bar or some other place and stall as long as he can, hoping that when he gets home you will be fast asleep.
You see, if I know my wife has been commanded by God to fulfill her debt to me, then I must by all means help her to obey God. If I appear looking like a slob, I am prohibiting her from obeying God. She is commanded by God to give me pleasure. But if I am not appealing to her physically, how can I expect her to love me the way I desire and to have her whole heart involved? She will go to bed every night with a headache just so she would not have to pay her debt.
So it is important, as much as is possible for both parties to be somewhat physically appealing to one another. Now I know that as age sets in, gravity takes over. What use to stand now falls. I know this – every elderly couple knows this. But try to build within your physical frame a support system that will keep things from falling too soon and too low. Exercise will help. Losing weight will definitely help. Building muscle will add to the support system. All of which we already know about, right?
Marriage has its obligation. The husband and wife have a debt to pay. Listen, we all have seen certain foods that turn us off. The sight of certain dishes, not mentioning the smell, can be a big turn off. Yet we do the same thing with our bodies. We expect our spouses to salivate over our physical appearance when such is not the case.
You know what? Being overweight is a blessing compared to a physical deformity. Because at least one who is overweight, in time, can do something about it. But for the person who has some form of physical deformity that is not attractive, how can that be changed? So husbands and wives – take it upon yourself to be physically appealing to your spouse, especially if you care about whether or not you both are able to fulfill your debt to one another and obey God in the process.
End of Part 7
