A Fresh Look at Divorce and Remarriage, Part 7

As we try to ascertain the Bible’s teaching on divorce and remarriage, another interesting observation worth noting is what happens to the “innocent party” after a divorce occurs.

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of immorality, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery (Matt. 5:32).

Here Jesus is not teaching that remarriage is lawful in some instances, but only that marriage after divorce is adultery, now watch this – even for those who are the innocent party of a divorce.

Let’s break it down:

“Everyone who divorces his wife” – Can only mean the husband.  He chooses to divorce his wife.

Now, let’s pause and ask a question:  “Why is the husband divorcing his wife?”  Well, we may wrongly conclude that since the wife is the one not choosing to divorce, but the husband is, then it’s the husband who is the guilty party and the wife who is innocent.

But that may not be the case here.  In such situations, you have two possibilities:  First, the husband chooses to divorce his wife because he has found someone else.  In this case, it would be the husband who is the guilty party for choosing to divorce his wife so he could marry someone else whom he has found.

Or second, perhaps, it is the wife who has broken the marriage vows and slept with another man, and now her husband, having found out about it, chooses to divorce his wife. In this case, the wife is the one guilty and the husband (though the one initiating the divorce) is the innocent party.

Here’s my point:  Jesus does not specify who is the guilty or innocent one in this text.  The husband may be inferred as the guilty one, but we really cannot conclude this dogmatically.

All Jesus is saying here in Matthew 5:32, is the husband who divorces his wife for reasons other than “immorality” will make her commit adultery if she remarries and will also make the man who marries her commit adultery as well.

Interestingly, Jesus makes no mention of what happens to the husband who initiates the divorce.  If he remarries, is he likewise guilty of adultery?  We may say “yes he is,” but we do so out of inference only from this text.

Now keep this in mind.  According to Jesus, if a man stops loving his wife for personal reasons and simply wants out of the marriage, if he then chooses to divorce her, the wife who is the innocent party, CANNOT remarry without adultery taking place in the marriage. Why? Because the divorce itself falls short of adultery or immorality.

Jesus assumes that in most situations in that culture a wife who has been put away by a husband will be drawn into a second marriage. Nevertheless, in spite of these pressures, he calls this second marriage adultery.

The remarkable thing about the first half of this verse is that it plainly says that the remarriage of a wife who has been innocently put away is nevertheless adultery: "Everyone who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of immorality, makes her (the innocent wife who has not been immoral) an adulteress."   This is a clear statement that remarriage is wrong not merely when a person is guilty in the process of divorce, but also when a person is innocent. In other words, Jesus' opposition to remarriage seems to be based on the unbreakableness of the marriage bond by either death or perhaps the unfaithfulness of a spouse.

Now without getting into a whole bunch of hypothetical situations, let me ask a few more questions:

First, if a husband who has committed adultery and has fallen in love with another woman, then decides to end his marriage to his wife, does he have the right to remarry since he is divorcing his wife on the grounds of his own adultery?  When Jesus says, “except for the cause of immorality,” whose immorality is Jesus referring to – the husband or wife? 

Second, does the wife have to be the one who initiates the divorce on the grounds of her husband committing adultery in order for her to remarry?

Third, what if the husband is busy committing adultery and wants out of his marriage, but the wife won’t let him?  Would God want her to end her marriage on the grounds of her husband’s adultery and support the divorce her husband is initiating, or stay married to her adulterous husband knowing that if she does get a divorce, her remarriage to another man would constitute adultery?

Fourth, if the wife’s husband is guilty of committing adultery and the grounds for divorce is adultery, then would it be adultery on the wife’s part to still continue to sleep with her husband since he has broken the marriage bond through his adulterous affair? Does adultery actually break the marriage covenant between husband and wife?

Fifth, if the husband is guilty of committing adultery and chooses to divorce his wife, but on the divorce papers it states, “irreconcilable differences” as the cause, would the wife still be eligible to remarry, if though her husband was clearly an adulterer, but nevertheless, the reason for the divorce was not over adultery, but something lesser?

Sixth, let’s say that the husband commits adultery and his wife finds out. She retaliates by doing the same. Now both parties have committed adultery.  After a few months goes by, the wife wants a divorce.  On what grounds?  Her husband’s adultery?  Her adultery?

Seventh, this one is similar to the first one, but stated differently.  If a wife has been guilty of sleeping with another man, and her husband finding out about it divorces her on the grounds of adultery, are they both eligible for remarriage according to Jesus “exception clause?” In other words, in the case of immorality on the part of a spouse, is only the innocent party free to remarry?

Eighth, if immorality breaks the “one flesh” union of a marriage, then it seems it wouldn’t matter who the guilty party is since the marriage has been broken between husband and wife. According to Jesus’ statement using the exception clause – “except for the cause of immorality,” God would legitimize remarriage for both parties – the guilty and not guilty.

It seems to me that since an innocent wife who is divorced commits adultery when she remarries, then a guilty wife who remarries after divorce is all the more guilty. If one argues that this guilty woman is free to remarry, while the innocent woman who has been put away is not, just because the guilty woman's adultery has broken the "one flesh" relationship, then one is put in the awkward position of saying to an innocent divorced woman, "If you now commit adultery it will be lawful for you to remarry."

LOL!  Hopefully, now you have a better understanding why Jesus said concerning Moses:  “Because of the hardness of your hearts, Moses permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning, it was not God’s intention to be this way” (Matt. 19:8).

There are all sorts of tricky imaginable and unimaginable possibilities regarding divorce and remarriage even on so-called biblical grounds.  The eight scenarios mentioned above are actual ones I am familiar with and in some cases had to personally counsel others regarding.

End of Part 7