USA Today recently ran an article about a study done by the National Marriage Project by Rutgers. This study may motivate churches to do more to uphold the honor of marriage. In a survey of men and women in their twenties: 62% thought living together before marriage is a good way to avoid divorce. This runs counter to countless studies that indicate people who live together before marriage have a greater divorce rate than those who don't.
An even more alarming statistic is that 43% of twenty-somethings would only marry a person who agreed to live together first. No wonder, with living together glamorized by TV and movies.
So it is no wonder that the world and even Christians are asking themselves, “So what is the purpose of getting married in the first place?” God has ordained marriage for a reason – a good one, and like anything that God ordains or sets up for us to obey, it is always with our good in mind.
Here are six good reasons to get married:
1. Procreation - Genesis 1:28 says to be fruitful and multiply and that means having children. That's one reason to get married, is to have children. And that's a good reason to get married. God wants godly families to reproduce what? Godly people.
Now listen, there is no way a family who has children out of wedlock will be able to instill in their children the moral and biblical values of a godly family. Now I am not saying that children born out of wedlock cannot turn out to be godly, indeed they can. But if those same children are going to reproduce godly offspring, in order to do so, they must start by having children within marriage.
Godly children are not simply taught, but reproduced! This means that they become the product of their family and environment. If they are born out of wedlock and grow up without a father or mother, it will have a profound affect on their moral status. It is also true that children born within a household that has both a father and mother who are married to one another can also turn out to be bad. Just look at what occurred with Cain. He ended up murdering his brother, Abel and his parents were Adam and Eve, the very first family God created. Everyone born into this world is born with a sin nature and thus has a propensity to sin. But a two party household with a father and mother who are married to one another has better and greater resources to nurture the values of God in the lives of their children.
2. Pleasure - Another reason to get married is pleasure. Did you know that God designed marriage also for physical pleasure? Hebrews 13:4, the bed is undefiled. In other words, it's an enjoyable experience. Marriage is honorable. Marriage is enjoyable. Proverbs 5 talks about the satisfaction that a husband finds in the physical body of his wife and vice versa. The Song of Solomon from beginning to end is all about romantic love and physical satisfaction. This is why Paul says at the beginning of 1 Corinthians 7, that if a man faces sexual temptation he is to find a woman to marry. The same is true for a woman. Yes, getting married for companionship plays a huge part of wanting to get married, but so is the need to have physical pleasure with ONE WOMAN or ONE MAN. This is God’s design and it has never changed.
3. Provision. God wants a man to provide what a woman needs. The woman, says Peter in I Peter 3:7, is the weaker vessel and God knows that a man can support the weakness of a woman. God wants the man to provide for the woman, to nourish her, Ephesians 5:29 says, to cherish her, to strengthen her, to give her something to lean on, to fortify her.
I believe this particular one really helps the couple to preach to the world through their marriage the love that Christ has for the church. The way the husband loves his wife by sacrificing for her and cherishing her ought to proclaim loudly to others that in a similar but greater way, Jesus does this for the church. And the way a wife submits to her husband out of love and respect ought to proclaim to the world that this is how the church does so to Jesus.
Now let me be clear on this one: If a wife finds it hard and most difficult to submit to her husband, I can guarantee she struggles in submitting to Jesus. And if a husband finds it burdensome to love his wife, he has serious issues when it comes to loving Christ.
Here is a verse to remember: 1 John 1:7: “If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another.” In other words, our fellowship with one another is dependent on our walking in the light with God. And the flipside is also true. Our walking in the light with God, cannot occur if we are not in fellowship with one another. You see how both sides are not mutually exclusive?
So if a man really loves God, it is true he also loves his wife. If a wife really is submitting to God, it is true she is also submitting to her husband. I have talked to wives who really believe that they can choose not to submit to their husbands and still go throughout the day walking with God. No wonder John says that when we think like this, we are “deceiving ourselves” (1 John 1:8).
4. Partnership - Marriage is for partnership. In the Old Testament, God says to Adam - You need a helpmeet (Gen. 2:18). You need a helper. You don't need to do things alone, you need a helper. And so it is for partnership. God gives us a friend. And I think, really, the key ingredient in a marriage is friendship, i.e. a partner for life.
When I was married, my wife and I partnered together on so many things. For starters, in the beginning of my ministry, she would edit my sermons and read and correct my outlines. She started doing this while I was in seminary. She also would tell me what kinds of combination of clothes looks good and what to avoid. She was my most faithful critic of all my sermons and teaching times. She partnered with me faithfully in prayer. I knew she was my armor bearer and was praying for me at all times.
She partnered with me in keeping the home in order and helping to instill godly principles in our kids. She did the household chores and would often remind me about things I had to do but had also forgotten. This was only the tip of the iceberg. I would often say to others that God is actually pouring His blessing on her and I happen to be standing next to her getting the splash affects. When both a husband and wife partner together to do ministry, there is nothing else like it. It brings so much joy, satisfaction and fulfillment to serve the Lord together and then after you done so, to talk about it afterwards and the lessons and gems you learned along the way.
5. Picture - Marriage is given as a picture. Ephesians 5 says it is a symbol to the world of God's relationship to His church. I have already to some extent touched on this in number 3. One of the divine purposes of marriage is so it can be a vehicle or tool for the couple to preach to the world the relationship Christ has with His bride, the church, and the bride’s relationship to her husband, the Lord Jesus Christ.
6. Purity – That is to keep people from committing fornication. God wants us to be pure and so He ordained marriage to meet our physical needs and at the same time to keep us holy before Him. When Paul wrote to the Thessalonians about sexual purity, this is how he put it: For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; 4that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, 5not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. 7ForGod has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. 8Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you (1 Thess. 4:3-8).
Notice a few observations in the above passage: First, sexual purity is the will of God. You want to know what is God’s will for you as a single person? Stay sexually pure until you find someone to marry. Second, until you do find someone to marry, learn to control your body. This means that one ought to stay away from temptations and tempting situations. Third, God is the avenger of the sin of impurity. God does forgive when people mess up, but He does not dissolve the consequences. Fourth, God’s calling on our lives is to walk in holiness. Therefore, we see that both the will of God and the call of God have the same goal in mind – our purity and holiness. Fifth, this mandate on purity does not come from the teachings of men, but from God.
So what is the purpose of marriage? It is for procreation, pleasure, provision, partnership, picture and purity. Therefore, as you set out looking for a potential person to marry, keep these six purposes in mind and go over them when the time is right. Make sure you and your significant other knows what God’s purposes are for a marriage. You will both be right in the center of God’s will.
End of Part 6
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Should I Marry? Part 5
Gary Thomas, in his book, Sacred Marriage, said this: “If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there’s no question – stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can’t imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you’d never have to face otherwise.”
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul starts out by saying that being single is good, not bad. Someone might raised the question about single people not having a family. However, there are other ways to have family without being married. Your church for one thing could be your family – whether married or not. Someone else’s family could adopt you as its own. You could be blessed with lots of friends who treat one another as family. The point Paul is making is simply this: If you're single, it's good. It's not bad, it's not evil, it's not wrong, it's good.
Here is Paul’s second point – Celibacy is not only good, it is also tempting. And this is where being single becomes a little tough. Sure singleness is good, but staying sexually pure is hard to do. Therefore, Paul says in verse 2: But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
Now notice what Paul says – “Each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” These are commands. He says – If you don’t have the gift of singleness and you feel yourself battling sexual temptation, then get married. Why? On account of what? Immorality. Listen, being single is good, but it's tempting. And the gross style of Corinthian life made it harder for the unmarried to be pure, just like it does in our day.
It is true that so many unmarried people have problems today because of the constant barrage of sexual temptation being thrown at them through the media and social situations. Now Paul is not saying that if one is battling sexual temptation then just find anyone to marry you. Not at all. He is simply answering one issue that was occurring back then – that everyone should be single so they can serve God at the greatest and highest level. But Paul’s point is that not everyone can live the single life since their desires are too strong. For such people, the only remedy is to get married.
Now even for single people, not getting married is no guarantee one will be more devoted to God without interruptions. For example, if you do not have the gift of singleness and you struggle frequently with sexual temptation, it doesn’t matter if you’re single, you are still being distracted from serving God. Your thoughts and heart are divided. Your emotions are running over. Your passions are on fire. Oh, yes, you are single, but look at the internal battle you are having to wage war with on a daily basis just to get through. You might think to yourself, “Well, sure I have these strong desires and passions, but at least I am single to serve the Lord without the responsibility of a spouse in my life.” But who are you fooling? Your own desires are only making you spend more time on the defensive trying to control the flesh and less time on the offensive seeking ways to use your time for the Lord. In this scenario, you might as well throw up the white flag and find yourself a spouse. At least then you will be able to serve the Lord with far less frustrations. Therefore, in order to avoid the sin of immorality, Paul says, “Please, get married. Find your own husband or wife.” That’s God design and way to battle sexual temptations.
This is why we often read how priests get themselves into trouble. The Roman Catholic system teaches that priests must be single and therefore cannot marry. The single lifestyle for priests is not voluntary, but mandated. Thus many priests have to endure their sexual passions even if they do not have the gift of being single. Some cannot cope so they molest young boys. Many of them are secretly involved with porn. Paul's advice to such people is to stop fighting your desires and certainly stop denying that they exist. Instead, get married! It is not wrong to get married if your desires are both active and strong.
In fact, Paul had something seriously to say about this kind of a system that denies people the right to marry, when he wrote: Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons. And what’s one of the teachings of demons? Verse 3: Men who forbid marriage (1 Tim. 4:1, 3).
You see, if one chooses not to marry because he or she feels called serve the Lord as a single person, that's good. But on the other hand, never ever forbid others to marry, nor should you forbid yourself to marry especially if you do not have the calling of God to live as a single person. And may I also add, never look down on others who are married. A single person may think of himself better off than one who is married because he can devote more time for the Lord. But remember this: When it comes to serving Jesus, more time is not the issue. It is how we use our time that counts. Paul said "making the most of your time because the days are evil" (Eph. 5:16).
So what have we learned from 1 Corinthians 7 so far? First, singleness is good. Second, singleness is also tempting. But there's more. Someone may ask, "If marriage is such a good thing, what is its purpose?" We'll answer this next time.
End of Part 5
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul starts out by saying that being single is good, not bad. Someone might raised the question about single people not having a family. However, there are other ways to have family without being married. Your church for one thing could be your family – whether married or not. Someone else’s family could adopt you as its own. You could be blessed with lots of friends who treat one another as family. The point Paul is making is simply this: If you're single, it's good. It's not bad, it's not evil, it's not wrong, it's good.
Here is Paul’s second point – Celibacy is not only good, it is also tempting. And this is where being single becomes a little tough. Sure singleness is good, but staying sexually pure is hard to do. Therefore, Paul says in verse 2: But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
Now notice what Paul says – “Each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” These are commands. He says – If you don’t have the gift of singleness and you feel yourself battling sexual temptation, then get married. Why? On account of what? Immorality. Listen, being single is good, but it's tempting. And the gross style of Corinthian life made it harder for the unmarried to be pure, just like it does in our day.
It is true that so many unmarried people have problems today because of the constant barrage of sexual temptation being thrown at them through the media and social situations. Now Paul is not saying that if one is battling sexual temptation then just find anyone to marry you. Not at all. He is simply answering one issue that was occurring back then – that everyone should be single so they can serve God at the greatest and highest level. But Paul’s point is that not everyone can live the single life since their desires are too strong. For such people, the only remedy is to get married.
Now even for single people, not getting married is no guarantee one will be more devoted to God without interruptions. For example, if you do not have the gift of singleness and you struggle frequently with sexual temptation, it doesn’t matter if you’re single, you are still being distracted from serving God. Your thoughts and heart are divided. Your emotions are running over. Your passions are on fire. Oh, yes, you are single, but look at the internal battle you are having to wage war with on a daily basis just to get through. You might think to yourself, “Well, sure I have these strong desires and passions, but at least I am single to serve the Lord without the responsibility of a spouse in my life.” But who are you fooling? Your own desires are only making you spend more time on the defensive trying to control the flesh and less time on the offensive seeking ways to use your time for the Lord. In this scenario, you might as well throw up the white flag and find yourself a spouse. At least then you will be able to serve the Lord with far less frustrations. Therefore, in order to avoid the sin of immorality, Paul says, “Please, get married. Find your own husband or wife.” That’s God design and way to battle sexual temptations.
This is why we often read how priests get themselves into trouble. The Roman Catholic system teaches that priests must be single and therefore cannot marry. The single lifestyle for priests is not voluntary, but mandated. Thus many priests have to endure their sexual passions even if they do not have the gift of being single. Some cannot cope so they molest young boys. Many of them are secretly involved with porn. Paul's advice to such people is to stop fighting your desires and certainly stop denying that they exist. Instead, get married! It is not wrong to get married if your desires are both active and strong.
In fact, Paul had something seriously to say about this kind of a system that denies people the right to marry, when he wrote: Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons. And what’s one of the teachings of demons? Verse 3: Men who forbid marriage (1 Tim. 4:1, 3).
You see, if one chooses not to marry because he or she feels called serve the Lord as a single person, that's good. But on the other hand, never ever forbid others to marry, nor should you forbid yourself to marry especially if you do not have the calling of God to live as a single person. And may I also add, never look down on others who are married. A single person may think of himself better off than one who is married because he can devote more time for the Lord. But remember this: When it comes to serving Jesus, more time is not the issue. It is how we use our time that counts. Paul said "making the most of your time because the days are evil" (Eph. 5:16).
So what have we learned from 1 Corinthians 7 so far? First, singleness is good. Second, singleness is also tempting. But there's more. Someone may ask, "If marriage is such a good thing, what is its purpose?" We'll answer this next time.
End of Part 5
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Should I Marry? Part 4
“Should I marry,” that’s the question that I’ve been thinking about and some of you might have also asked that question once or twice yourself. The first seven verses of 1 Corinthians answers the celibate question. Some of you may be caught in the debate of your own internal monologue of trying to answer this question. You don't know whether to get married or not to get married. Some of you don't have any option at this point. You're either single and haven't found anybody interesting, or you're married and no options. But some of you do have that option and you don't know whether to look for somebody to marry or whether not to. You don't know whether it's right to remarry, or whatever. So why don’t we depend on the Spirit of God to use the Word of God to help us answer the “Should I marry” question.
In the first seven verses, Paul presents four godly ideas that stem from the issue of being single. Here they are:
1. Celibacy is Good – v. 1: Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." Let’s stop here for a moment and examine this verse more closely.
Some translations have the phrase, “it is not good for a man to TOUCH A WOMAN” (i.e. NASB, KJV). Years ago when I first read this I thought, “What, I cannot even touch a woman?” In fact, I went to a bible institute where in chapel we had to sit six inches from the person of the opposite sex. There was a lady who actually would come by with a measuring tape to measure to see if we were at least six inches apart from the person we were sitting next to. And if we were not, she would tap us on the head and tell us to move further apart! Now I dated a Mexican gal back then and I wanted so badly to sit next to her in chapel but was unable too because of the temptation of touching her. When you read this passage in the NASB and KJV, it sounds a little prudish and legalistic.
I remember hearing of a Christian basketball team who was forbidden to wear shorts; instead the players had to wear long pants when they played lest the revelation of their legs should cause someone in the crowd to stumble!
I mean, if you man cannot even touch a woman, that would be a complete bummer! If Paul was referring to a literal touch, then Adam and Eve would be the only people still on earth. However, Paul is not talking about that. Instead, when Paul uses the word “touch” he simply means, “sexual relations.”
Let me show you an example of this in the Old Testament. There was a case in which adultery could have occurred in the family of Abraham. He lied to Abimelech and told him that Sarah was his sister. So Abimelech took her to be his wife. However, God appeared to him in a dream and said, “Yes, I know that in the integrity of your heart you have done this, and I also kept you from sinning against Me, therefore I did not let you TOUCH her” (Gen. 20:6). What did God mean? Simply this: He kept Abimelech from having sexual relations with Abraham’s wife. That’s what the word “touch” means.
Jump on ahead to the Book of Ruth. Boaz had the desire to keep Ruth pure, so he said to her: “Let your eyes be on the field which they reap, and go after them. Indeed, I have commanded the servants not to TOUCH you” (Ruth 2:9).
Over in the sixth chapter of Proverbs we read, “So in the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; whoever TOUCHES her will not go unpunished” (v. 29). And of course, the writer is not talking about some tap on the shoulder but rather not having a sexual relationship.
So back to 1 Corinthians 7. Paul is simply saying that it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman especially if he is not married to her. In fact, in the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians, Paul will show us three things that are good: First, it is good not to have sexual relations if you are single. Second, it is good to be single. Third, it is good for a man not to marry.
Now folks, let me add this for a balance here. Paul does not say it is the ONLY good. Why? Because it is ALSO good to be married. All Paul wants his readers to understand is this: “It is not evil or wrong to be single.”
Now this is a crucial principle to grab a hold of. Because some people believe that if you are still single something must be wrong with you, right? I have heard this from others. I hear others say, “Pastor Rich, so and so is 45 years ago and still single. I wonder what is wrong with him. Perhaps he’s gay!” LOL! Or, “she must have a lot of issues or skeletons in the closet.” No, Paul wants to make it clear that if a person chooses to live his or her life single, such a choice is not evil.
So keep in mind as we make our way through the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians, Paul is not trying to pit marriage and singleness against one another. He is not saying it is bad to be married and better to be single. The word “good” is the word “kalos” which simply means, “profitable” or “beneficial.” In other words, there are certain benefits to being single and certain benefits being married.
The Jews, you see, use to teach that if you didn't have a wife, you were a sinner. They said this: “A man who does not have a wife and a child has slain his posterity and lessened the image of God in the world.” Seven kinds of people couldn't get to heaven, they had a list. First on the list, a Jew who has no wife. Second, a wife who has no children.
The Jew said - God said be fruitful and multiply and if you don't you're disobedient to the commands of God. Now, no doubt, this pressure was coming on the Corinthian church from the Jewish members. They were saying - You've got to be married.
And some of the Gentiles who didn't want to be married and who wanted to grow in some higher devotional level to God were saying – “We're going to be celibate and we're going to strictly remove ourselves from marriage and live a life totally given over to God.” And so Paul starts out by saying, “That’s fine! Nothing wrong with that!”
“But Pastor Rich, doesn’t the Old Testament teach that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18)? Yes it does, but remember, you can be single and still not be alone. You can have friends. I love what Psalm 68:6 says: “God makes a home for the lonely.” You see, your home church maybe your family. Maybe your friends are your family. God will give to single people the friends and family they need to deal righteously with their loneliness. Therefore, if one chooses to be single, that is good and not bad. It is a choice that God honors.
End of Part 4
In the first seven verses, Paul presents four godly ideas that stem from the issue of being single. Here they are:
1. Celibacy is Good – v. 1: Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." Let’s stop here for a moment and examine this verse more closely.
Some translations have the phrase, “it is not good for a man to TOUCH A WOMAN” (i.e. NASB, KJV). Years ago when I first read this I thought, “What, I cannot even touch a woman?” In fact, I went to a bible institute where in chapel we had to sit six inches from the person of the opposite sex. There was a lady who actually would come by with a measuring tape to measure to see if we were at least six inches apart from the person we were sitting next to. And if we were not, she would tap us on the head and tell us to move further apart! Now I dated a Mexican gal back then and I wanted so badly to sit next to her in chapel but was unable too because of the temptation of touching her. When you read this passage in the NASB and KJV, it sounds a little prudish and legalistic.
I remember hearing of a Christian basketball team who was forbidden to wear shorts; instead the players had to wear long pants when they played lest the revelation of their legs should cause someone in the crowd to stumble!
I mean, if you man cannot even touch a woman, that would be a complete bummer! If Paul was referring to a literal touch, then Adam and Eve would be the only people still on earth. However, Paul is not talking about that. Instead, when Paul uses the word “touch” he simply means, “sexual relations.”
Let me show you an example of this in the Old Testament. There was a case in which adultery could have occurred in the family of Abraham. He lied to Abimelech and told him that Sarah was his sister. So Abimelech took her to be his wife. However, God appeared to him in a dream and said, “Yes, I know that in the integrity of your heart you have done this, and I also kept you from sinning against Me, therefore I did not let you TOUCH her” (Gen. 20:6). What did God mean? Simply this: He kept Abimelech from having sexual relations with Abraham’s wife. That’s what the word “touch” means.
Jump on ahead to the Book of Ruth. Boaz had the desire to keep Ruth pure, so he said to her: “Let your eyes be on the field which they reap, and go after them. Indeed, I have commanded the servants not to TOUCH you” (Ruth 2:9).
Over in the sixth chapter of Proverbs we read, “So in the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; whoever TOUCHES her will not go unpunished” (v. 29). And of course, the writer is not talking about some tap on the shoulder but rather not having a sexual relationship.
So back to 1 Corinthians 7. Paul is simply saying that it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman especially if he is not married to her. In fact, in the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians, Paul will show us three things that are good: First, it is good not to have sexual relations if you are single. Second, it is good to be single. Third, it is good for a man not to marry.
Now folks, let me add this for a balance here. Paul does not say it is the ONLY good. Why? Because it is ALSO good to be married. All Paul wants his readers to understand is this: “It is not evil or wrong to be single.”
Now this is a crucial principle to grab a hold of. Because some people believe that if you are still single something must be wrong with you, right? I have heard this from others. I hear others say, “Pastor Rich, so and so is 45 years ago and still single. I wonder what is wrong with him. Perhaps he’s gay!” LOL! Or, “she must have a lot of issues or skeletons in the closet.” No, Paul wants to make it clear that if a person chooses to live his or her life single, such a choice is not evil.
So keep in mind as we make our way through the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians, Paul is not trying to pit marriage and singleness against one another. He is not saying it is bad to be married and better to be single. The word “good” is the word “kalos” which simply means, “profitable” or “beneficial.” In other words, there are certain benefits to being single and certain benefits being married.
The Jews, you see, use to teach that if you didn't have a wife, you were a sinner. They said this: “A man who does not have a wife and a child has slain his posterity and lessened the image of God in the world.” Seven kinds of people couldn't get to heaven, they had a list. First on the list, a Jew who has no wife. Second, a wife who has no children.
The Jew said - God said be fruitful and multiply and if you don't you're disobedient to the commands of God. Now, no doubt, this pressure was coming on the Corinthian church from the Jewish members. They were saying - You've got to be married.
And some of the Gentiles who didn't want to be married and who wanted to grow in some higher devotional level to God were saying – “We're going to be celibate and we're going to strictly remove ourselves from marriage and live a life totally given over to God.” And so Paul starts out by saying, “That’s fine! Nothing wrong with that!”
“But Pastor Rich, doesn’t the Old Testament teach that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18)? Yes it does, but remember, you can be single and still not be alone. You can have friends. I love what Psalm 68:6 says: “God makes a home for the lonely.” You see, your home church maybe your family. Maybe your friends are your family. God will give to single people the friends and family they need to deal righteously with their loneliness. Therefore, if one chooses to be single, that is good and not bad. It is a choice that God honors.
End of Part 4
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