In
a past issue of Newsweek Magazine that came out on June 11th, 1979 there is an
article called, "My Turn," by Suzanne Britt Jordan. What she
had written was fascinating to me. Here are
some exerts:
"My
friends after 18 years of marriage are getting a civilized divorce. I object. I
think people should be upset about so serious a thing as divorce. There is a
redeeming quality in the honest screech and howl that I miss in our
psychoanalyzed together generation.
"My
friend says that they are more like friends or bother and sister than husband
and wife and she says the marriage has no spark and no umph. She's very much
interested in the spark business. Perhaps I was in the kitchen slinging hash
when the decree went out that marriages in the 20th century required pizzazz,
romance, thrills. Perhaps I've got old fashioned notions about this once
venerable but now crumbling institution. But my insides tell me that what
everybody else is doing is not necessarily right, and what folks have dumped on
marriage in the way of expectations, selfish interests and kinky kicks needs
prompt removal before the marriage fortress is crushed by the barbarians.
“Marriage
is nothing more nor less than a permanent promise between two consenting adults
and often but not always under God, to cling to each other until death. It
sounds pretty grim I know, but then we have a perfect model in our children and
relatives for how marriage should be viewed, I cannot at any time send my
children back to some other womb for a fresh start. I've got a few cousins and
aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews with whom I might like to deny kinship but
I can't, any more than I can change the color of my eyes.
“My
parents are my parents whether I speak to them or not, in the same way the
husband and wife are one flesh forever, if I divorced my husband I am in effect
cutting off part of myself, I think we have forgotten the fundamental basis of
marriage, a notion that has nothing to do with moonlight and roses and my own
personal wishes. Marriage is a partnership far more than a perpetual honeymoon,
and anybody who stays married can tell you that, it may be made in heaven but
it's lived on earth. And because earth is the way it is marriage is often
irritation, alliaceous, unsatisfying, boring and shaky. I myself as a human
being am not always a prize. (Ha)
“Some
days I wouldn't have me on a silver platter. But, those seekers after the
perfect marriage are convinced that the spouse will display perfection, the
perfect mate, despite what Cosmopolitan says, does not exist no matter how many
of those tests you take. We have all sorts of convenient excuses for not
staying married these days, in the old days, you're probably saying, people
didn't live as long so a spouse could safely assume his partner would kick the
bucket in 5 or 10 years and the one still breathing could have another fling at
it. Wrong. People are actually living only a few years longer than they did in
the last century if they survive the childhood diseases.
“The
reports of our increased longevity are greatly exaggerated. We are also
informed that marriage should be a place where we can grow, find ourselves, and
be ourselves. Interestingly we cannot be entirely ourselves even with our best
friends, some decorum, some courtesy, some selflessness are demanded. As for
finding myself I think I already know where I am, I'm grown up, I have
responsibilities, I am in the middle of a lifelong marriage, I'm hanging in
there sometimes enduring and sometimes enjoying. My original objection was
primarily to the flippancy with which we say good-bye to a mediocre or a poor
marriage. We are so selfish we want our fun and we want it now. We value
pleasure above fidelity, loyalty, generosity, and duty.
“My
friends might have remained married if they had stopped clutching greedily at
pleasure. The spark might have returned if they had gently fanned the fire, and
even if the spark never returned they might nevertheless have lived lovingly
and patiently and kindly together. There are worse fates not the least of which
is finding another even less satisfactory second mate."
Here
is a unique view of marriage by someone who does not purport to be a Christian.
Yet, she seems to have some integrity about
human relationships, specifically marriage.
She
has a perspective on promises that seems a little foreign to our age. She sees
marriage as she sees any other dimension of family life -- it's something that
lasts for life. You can't get rid of your kinship, you can't get rid of your
parents, you can't get rid of your children, why should you get rid of your
spouse? It is refreshing to find that somebody in our society still holds to
the value of a promise, still holds to commitment, still can face life with a
perspective of unselfishness. And yet, still sees those kinds of things as
desirable virtues in our rotten decaying society.
Now
I think this lady has some practical insights into the reality of true
commitment. But you'll notice that her basis for it is basically a deep down sense
of responsibility. Although this is pretty
admirable, it is not enough.
The
greatest reality substantiating the permanence of marriage is the Word of God. The
Bible goes far beyond what somebody's gut level feeling might be no matter how
good it is, or how true it is.
End
of Part 8
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